The Most Amazing Author

As a writer, I appreciate a good story.  I like when a story is so well crafted that it almost makes you wonder how someone could have even come up with the details. To me the best stories are not farfetched, but they are artful in nature.

Our adoption is panning out to be just that kind of story and we are very clear that God is the most amazing author.  He is putting together details, that in one moment can seem so frustrating and in the very next have you going "Only God can make something work like that."

Two weeks ago we started a leg of this journey that changed us inside and out.  This adventure as a whole has done that in different ways, but this was a particular type of change. One that actually needed healing although we knew that it was ultimately part of God's plan.  We learned that love had no boundaries, that God builds an army of people to support you, and that understanding your strengths and weaknesses is actually a noble character trait to have. 

This week we got to see that God has not stepped out of this situation for one small second and decisions we made many moons ago had a particular role in this story.  It's been quite impressive how God has showed us who he is by what he does.  He surely is not as limited by our humanity as we are.

Somewhere early in our adoption research, we were told that China would not be an option, and even up until recently, that was the general consensus. We just barely missed the income requirements, we didn't meet the assets requirements at all, and there were medical issues that we were told they would simply NOT bend on in regards to myself.  We really didn't have a leg to stand on, so we started exploring our other international options, as well as domestic.

God in all his greatness made us push through our pain this week and began exploring what was out there.  We couldn't be wounded by the events of the past weeks.  And we couldn't allow the past adoption challenges to keep us from not looking at a child that God placed on our hearts. This is where several separate pieces began coming together to make one huge picture.

Our adoption advocate had recently put us into contact with an agency that we instantly felt at ease with. They went above and beyond from jump street and never batted one eyelash at the fact that we were not actually clients.  One of the agency reps continued to stay in email contact with me and our exchanges always seemed personal.  I have never felt like it was about our money with them.  It has always been about our family and helping us find out which child we were the right family for.

Becky (our advocate) also got us linked with an adoption advocacy site that we could use for searching children.  I then found out that they were affiliated with the agency we were (unofficially) working with, so I contacted them about 2 files we were interested in. I also continued to search our regular adoption searching haunts.  There was an advocate listed on one of the sites I used, but her blog page was no longer active. I had been trying to figure out how to contact her for months with no luck.  Well this week she turned up on one of the groups I use for searching AND wait for this....she also works for the agency we have been working with. Turned out she was in charge of the 2 files that our other agency rep sent to us. (So our advocate linked us to 2 separate adoption avenues that  then became one major connection, that was also linked to 2 other adoption search avenues we frequently use.). Are you keeping up??? Because here comes some more. :)

Our new connection (we will call her LLA), hit the ground running getting answers to even our toughest questions.  She got in touch with her program director who then got in touch with China.  2 nights ago we got a phone call around 11:30pm stating that "China is interested." *the record scratches* WHAT???? We've been told for almost a year that China was not going to accept us for various reasons. Only God...

She told us to get our paperwork together and once we get it rolling things are going to move quickly (At least for the first portion). We still had a hurdle to achieve because we knew that our social worker ( We will call her SWA) doesn't write studies for China. That seemed like a problem that was going to create a HUGE problem, to possibly include starting the entire study process over and pretty much having an expensive, useless document that says we are great parents. lol

We went back and forth trying to come up with a solution and I prayed hard.  I told God I couldn't see him letting us go through this whole ordeal only to have to start completely over and pay double the money.  Well God being who he is, seems to have already had that detail laid out. LLA put me in contact with another agency here in NC that might be able to amend our study.  I spoke to the lady on the phone explaining our situation and she already knew SWA and had worked with her before.  She didn't foresee not being able to help fix our issue...and it gets better.  Towards the end of the conversation she tells me her name.  It turned out she was the other social worker we would have opted to use if we hadn't gone with SWA. 

Nope...that isn't it.  We went into a few more details and then she explains that if we had chosen her she would have recommended that we seek out the services of another agency, because she wouldn't have had a representative this far east that she could have sent out to us, without charging us an arm and a leg. THAT is how God works.  So now we are working with our top 2 social workers, an agency we are insanely happy to work with, and there are multiple connections that God started building long before we even knew where this road was about to take us.

This journey can still take several twists and turns before the story is over.  We don't know what the road ahead will really entail. But, I know that God is definitely working things out for his glory. I couldn't have connected any of these dots on my own if I tried. God knows how to write an amazing story in such a way that the only real connection to be made is that it all involves him.  I am so grateful to where we are at this point in our journey.  He never stops showing me who he really and truly is and how much he values me.

He made us a promise in the beginning and he has not given us any reason to believe that we will not have all that he has promised, but the beautiful part is he is achieving his ultimate goal, which is helping us minster to the world around us, in hopes of drawing people into him.  He wants to write your story also. Let this be an example that no matter the odds...no matter what you are being told...if God has called it to be, he will work it all out. Nothing can stop God.  A friend of mine shared this thought the other day and it made me say WOW!!! "Never let money be a hindrance. In the kingdom of God there are many types of currencies that trump money... Faith, wisdom, knowledge...
You want resources? Put a demand on heaven. How... By attempting something that YOU don't have the resources to do. If the only things you attempt are things you can do on your own why should God help you? Think about that"

I want to share one more thing before I go.  This is a post I made the other day about the events we faced a few weeks ago...another piece that shows why he is an amazing author:
Most of you aren't aware of the journey we took through the adoption process last week, mostly because we've tried to be careful of dragging people through the ins and outs. This is the type of journey that is difficult to understand unless you are in it and it's a place where you can become very tender.
Before, getting online and searching kids was a bit of an adventure, like

putting a puzzle together. But the past 2 days have been more of a rehabilitation process. We've had to accept a decision we made, but it doesn't necessarily feel good. Not because it was a wrong decision...it was absolutely right, but our hearts need a little mending. God called us to do something and we don't get to throw in the towel simply because we are wounded.
Today I received 2 profiles and I started to tell my husband, but then I decided I don't want to put him through another let down. I don't want this process to discourage him. I am much better at sucking it up and moving on, but that's because loss is something I was exposed to early on. Not in a bad way...I just think I've had more opportunities to experience it, so I've learned to process it better. Ben was perfectly okay with me working on a need to know basis. Although this is a team effort, I need to not put more on him than necessary. My husband's heart is a delicate tool that I cherish and I won't do unnecessary damage.
Looking over the files seemed to cause an ache in my heart and I knew that was not God's desire. I know I needed to push through, like healing an injury. Going through the pain will build up the muscles needed to recover. I went to my room to pray. I told God that I was aware that I couldn't be a quitter, but I needed him to show up and help me heal. I looked over the file again and went to grab a piece of paper from my bible case sitting next to me. There was an envelope inside that I don't recall being there before. I figured it it was just some scrap that was tucked away so I was going to write on it. When I grabbed it, there was something inside. I then assumed it was something the kids made. I opened it and there were 2 cards inside. A greeting style card and a pocket card. The greeting card said: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace (Romans 15:13). The inside was inscribed: Praise and fear the Lord (Psalm 34:1-9). Be blessed. That was it...no signature. The pocket card said: Our God has not promised smooth sailing...just a safe landing. And Jeremiah 17:7 was written across the bottom. "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence."
How awesome is that!!!! No clue where the card came from or how long it was there. The envelope was completely sealed. Like God placed it there so I could find it precisely today. God is so amazing!!!!

I hope you see this as a testimony of who God can be when we let him work out the things in our lives that we are finding difficult.  He is a better writer than any top selling author. 

~~Queen Bee

Using Life to Learn Valuable lessons

Our family took a journey this week that was very emotional.  A little excitement, a lot of anxiety, and the end result...peaceful sadness. In the midst of it all, we also gained extraordinary knowledge for when we bring home the child God has called to our home.  I don't want to rehash the whole event, because even though we are at peace with the final decision, there is still some sting that is making it difficult to hit the ground running again.  But, God will build our momentum and the adoption journey will proceed right on time.

This week I felt like I became even more prepared and empowered as an adoptive mom to be.  My husband and I learned a bit more on how to lean on one another, pray hard together, and be willing to admit when we are supposed to just be still and know that God is God.

I also got to see why God told us very early in this adoption journey, that we are NOT allowed to build this wall alone (Read Nehemiah Chapter 3 or go to my initial post to understand).  I had 3 wonderful ladies by my side, giving Godly counsel (Thank you Tracy, Jillian, and Becky) and praying with me every step of the way.  They presented the good, the bad, and the indifferent, no matter how hard it was to hear.  They wanted what was best for our family and to help us figure out what God's plan was in this leg of the journey. I have no clue how people ever do this adoption journey without having people to turn to. God has created a mountain of resources and contacts along the way and I am so blessed for it. I look back at the day that we started this journey and it seems so long ago, because we've come so far from the state of loneliness we were in during the beginning.  When I don't know something God gives me just the right person to help fill in the gaps.

I've learned through this part of our journey that love has no limits, not even in adoption. But, love also means sometimes making the more difficult choice. God means it when he says he will not leave or forsake you.  And I learned that whatever child we are blessed with, he will have some hardcore advocating parents.  We will stop at nothing to be sure he has everything he needs to be very successful in life. So I gained strength and knowledge...two things no one can ever take away from me and that can never be wasted.

I also got to spend some time with my husband this weekend and do a spiritual temperature check on my marriage. It was an amazing time. We attended The Art of Marriage conference this weekend hosted by our awesome Marriage and Family duo.  We had a chance to see how far our marriage had really come.  There was a time when many of the questions asked would have been easy to answer, because we hit every marriage issue checkoff in the book.  But this weekend, we got to see how investing in God and our marriage had really transformed it.  It had been transformed so much, that it was difficult to pinpoint real struggles in our marriage.  Don't worry...we have them (our communication skills still lack a little luster), but they no longer carry the damaging effects that would create a horrible legacy for the future of our children.

We now have a marriage that I am proud for my children to see.  We have a marriage that we hope they will model their own marriages after to some extent and prayerfully they will have an even better start, because their marriages will be an extension of the blessings from ours...meaning they can take their lives and marriages even further than ours.  And then they will pass on an even better legacy for their children and grandchildren.

I got to spend time reminding myself why I appreciate the man I married and why he is my beloved. I got a chance to reflect on the things I can do daily to improve my marriage even more. And I reaffirmed that no matter how stupid the world around me thinks I am for being the type of wife and woman I am...my marriage and life prove otherwise. I am bearing the fruit from the seeds God has planted in my heart and in my marriage.  Ben and I accepted the call a while ago to be generational legacy changers. Here's to the next generation.

This week has been faced with some serious challenges, but it has been covered with beauty, grace, and love as well.  I thank God for even the hard things in life, because in the end I am better for them.  My marriage was once a hard place, but it is a thing of beauty. That is proof enough for me that God will use our bad for his good as long as we make room for him to do so.  

 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."  James 1: 2-3

~Queen Bee

3 a.m. wake up call

Normally God does these little 3 a.m. moments with me when I'm due to write a Reflections blog, but tonight was a moment when I knew I had to follow some steps of the Proverbs 31 woman. I prayed and I made it a point to pray over any person or situation that crossed my thoughts. Then I spent time preparing for the activities of the day.
I had a choice to lay in bed, toss, turn, and complain or I could make use of the precious quiet moments in my house while I had a chance. Peace and quiet is a rare gem these days with 3 of my own children, plus I've had family in town for 3 weeks, and we are diligently working towards the adoption of our 4th. Fly Lady uses Chaos as an acronym for Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. I think we have finally moved from that and have upgraded to Can't Have An Ounce of Silence. :-D (laughing at myself)
Our life is rarely quiet...we are constantly busy and often tired, but we are doing things of value. We are actively involved in our church, we homeschool, I run my business, my husband provides for his family, and is a public servant, and he is also becoming educated in a way that will open up future career opportunities and give us many many tools and resources to be the best advocates we can possibly be on behalf of our future child.
I do enjoy these quiet moments, because they are a time to reflect. This may not be a blog for Reflections, but it causing me to pause and be thankful for all that God has chosen to use me for.
I get to be a living example to my children on Christ-like living, what kind of wife to be for my girls, and what kind of wife to seek for my boy(s). I get the opportunity to minister to others and plant seeds, because they see the fruit of my family, and I give God his credit for where we are. Odds are not often in our favor and people do speak against the things we are called to do by God, but that's what makes it a TESTimony. If people give us all the reason we can't or shouldn't do what God has ordered us into and we are clear in the fact that we have to listen to God, no matter what it looks like...what argument can they later have against God when it works out exactly the opposite of what they foresaw? It's not about winning personal arguments, but about my life being reflective of God's grace and his glory. The only fight I want to win is against satan. He has too much control in the lives of those around me and the only difference between my life and the lives of others is that I loosened his grip. I gave my life back to God to do as he wanted with and it's not hard to see there is a difference when I live that way versus the other.
So yes, I'm often worn out and 3 a.m. is probably more ideal for sleeping, but I'll take a few quiet hours with God over a few extra hours of sleep any day. This definitely was a chance to inventory my life and brag on God a bit. He is putting together a much better story for my life than I ever  could have. From the midday chaos to the midnight silence. It's worth every second.

~Queen Bee

What's with those names?

So, I know the question has come up in reference to Operation Megatron, but I'll explain Honeybees and Baby Pandas too. We are an extremely silly family. In the beginning of our adoption journey BP1 requested the rights to naming his new brother. We informed him that he already named our oldest girl and did a great job. It would just seem like testing fate to let him do it twice. His father proceeded to tell him that "if we said yes to that, he would want to name him something crazy...like Megatron." Since then, that is what we've called our faceless angel. Who unfortunately will likely be plagued for a lifetime with that nickname. LolWe do promise that will not actually be his name. Yes, we have been asked that question too. It's kind of catchy for our cause and it definitely draws people's interest.
Now for Honeybees and Baby Pandas....my sister put a picture up on Facebook one day (the one with my About Me section). She captioned it with the fact that her nieces and nephew were actually pandas (they are black, white, and asian mixed). Then shortly after that I came across an adoption group titled Honeybees. It's a group for blacks that adopt asian children. I cracked up because I had never heard that term for the intermixing of blacks and asians. Busy bee is half white and half asian, and I am black, so I thought it was quite hilarious. (Race is far from a touchy subject in our house.)
I have always seen people with these cutsie blog name and could never come up with one fitting enough, until then. A few silly jokes became the perfect description for our family. So now through our blog, you will be swept into our crazy world. Here you will meet Queen bee, Busy bee, and Baby Pandas 1, 2, and 3. We have plenty to share and we can't wait.
Welcome to the jungle,
Queen Bee

Our Puzzling Journey to Build a Wall

*FEEL FREE TO SHARE ON YOUR FB WALL
Dear Friends and Family (Or any other Godsent individual that is willing to be a part of our story),
We have written this letter in many drafts, being self-conscious of length (too much…not enough), and being filled with doubts (“nobody is going to care about this”). It is a bit lengthy, but a good story gives many details.

October of 2011 God called us to adopt a deaf child and promised us that he would provide all we needed if we walked in obedience. In researching for this task we started peeling away at the many confusing and intimidating layers of adoption. As the fear and doubt crept in, God delivered 2 messages that would allow us to persevere. One message was a sermon by our friend about listening to what God called you to do and being confident he had equipped you to overcome the giants that you were undoubtedly going to face. In a solidifying act we asked him to pray with us. His prayer was impactful and we know that God honored it. The words he prayed that night are words we have prayed over and over since that day: “Open the doors that need to be opened and close any doors you see fit to close.” We have seen God slam so many doors and lock them tight, but when he allows a door to be opened, it is wide.

The other message came during some quiet time with God. Nehemiah Chapter 3 talks about the building of a great wall. The wall was started by one set of individuals, but it took many people contributing their time, talents, and resources from their portion of the land to complete the entire wall in all of its greatness. Our future son represents the wall that our family has been called to build. We need the prayers, time, talents, and resources of those around us, not only to bring him home, but to prepare him for God's calling on his life.

We are in the beginning stages of our home study process. This is where a social worker educates us in adopting and evaluates that we are fit to adopt. We have spent months praying and seeking God on a decision about where to adopt from. We continue to pray diligently as a family, from the 32 year old all the way down to the 4 year old; and we believe God desires for us to leave our hearts open to location. Our social worker is great and is willing to work in whichever direction God calls us. This has been the best lesson in spiritual growth for every single one of us. It is amazing what God has revealed in just this short time and we anticipate an even larger amount of individual and family growth through this process.

We’ve been praying, pinching, saving, and sacrificing in order to get the ball rolling. And once our home study is approved we will also be eligible to apply for adoption grants. We have also had friends step up with great honor to help us fulfill our destiny. The fact that we are starting the home study process is a huge milestone, because 9 months ago, even that small step seemed impossible. But there is so much more that needs to happen before the wall is built. Our family humbly asks you to participate in one of our greatest journeys yet. We are deeply depending on God to miraculously make this happen, but he has already mandated that we cannot attempt this alone. We would like to extend an invitation for you and your family to joyfully partner with us and help bring our son into our arms. Adoption is a life-altering charge, given by God, and not one that everyone feels called to do, but we believe (and pray) many will come together and join us on the journey to make an eternal impact on this child’s life.

We want everyone to know that we are financially secure enough to support the needs of our son once he is in our care(The U.S. will not approve us to adopt otherwise), but God is pruning our pride and showing us that we can’t fulfill his call unless we include others. We came across an interesting fundraiser idea called a Puzzle Piece Fundraiser. We thought it was such a unique and special idea, because our son will get to have a visual reminder of all the love, support, and effort it took to bring him here.

This is how it works: We purchased 10/ 100 piece Marvel Heroes puzzles and are "selling" each of the puzzle pieces for a $10 donation. Instead of actually purchasing the puzzle pieces, though, it's more of a sponsorship. Each puzzle piece will be representative of a $10 donation. When the puzzles are complete, we will frame them and create a collage. Since the back will be covered, we’ve opted to write your names on printed puzzle pieces instead of on the back of the actual puzzles. Then we are going to create a keepsake scrapbook for him. That way, in the future, he can look back at the names of all the people who cared enough to help bring him home to his forever family.

This is something we are perfectly okay with sharing with the world. Pass this message along to whomever you believe would be interested in being part of the Operation Megatron Team (Our journey page explains the name. ) This is something that can be done by individuals, families, a group of friends, an organization, or anyone else that has a heart for adoption…the sky is really the limit.

Sponsorships can be made 2 ways: Online - https://www.smartypig.com/loves/operationmegatron OR Mail – Benjamin and Kathy Loo P.O. Box 1041 Pikeville, NC 27534

We very much need your prayers, as well as your talents and resources if you want to contribute to this journey in alternative or extra ways. You may also contact us or follow our story at https://www.facebook.com/operationmegatron OR  http://beesandbears.blogspot.com
We are hoping to add a tax deductible option for sponsors in the future, but due to the stage of adoption we are in currently, it is not available. We are truly grateful to you for experiencing this with us.
Sincerely, Ben, Kat, Peanut, AJ, and Boom

Answering God's Call

So a friend of mine suggested opening up our adoption journey to more than the world of Facebook. God has used this lovely lady to steer me in the right direction previously and it was a great move, so...here we go.
Our FB page is pretty much dedicated to our Operation Megatron adventures (our adoption), but this can be a place to share our journey as a family, to include the adoption.
If you would like to start at the beginning of our journey and you are on FB, please "like" our page. The Cliff Notes version is that we are 9 months into our adoption journey; seeking to adopt a deaf male child 0-8 (preferably 2-7) or a sibling group of 2 that includes 1 deaf/hard of hearing (likely abbreviated d/hh in future posts) child. We are still in the very beginning stages. Our home study will not be complete for at least another month and we are not matched with any children.
We have many needs to be met along the way, the most immediate and consistent being prayer, the second being a toss up between financial and resources/connections. We are looking at international and domestic, because we don't feel that God has given absolute clearance on one over the other, but we've been blessed to be connected with an agency that has already begun to advocate on our behalf before we've even become official applicants. So, if international is the way we go, they are our choice. Choosing an agency has been the scariest and most major part of this process thus far, but God lined everything up just right for us to be linked with them. It didn't take a second thought after we began exploring them, to know they were the ones.
God moved our family in this direction at what seemed like an inopportune time. We were still living in an apartment, with barely enough space for the people already in it. We were completing our first year of actively moving towards a debt free lifestyle. We began homeschooling a month later (also NOT in our game plan). But, God promised he would make everything possible in his timing. We just had to promise to follow through and be willing to include others.
He used the building of the wall in Nehemiah 3 to illustrate to us, not only our dependence on him, but on others. Not easy for us at all. I don't like opening my world up to people, because it often means dealing with unsolicited advice and uneducated opinions, which has happened along the way, but I've also been joined through shared experience to some beautiful people who may not have touched my life otherwise. And their counsel has been imperative to decisions we've made or chose to pass on.
He has caused me to grow personally, as a mother, in recent years. I spent so much time chasing the idea that being a wife and mom wasn't good enough by the definition of those who weren't doing it, or weren't doing it well. I pursued degrees, worked, and thought I had later thought I had lost valuable time chasing the ideas of others. But God wasn't going to let those experiences go to waste. I asked what I was to do with the knowledge I gained and later he told me "adopt a deaf child."
He had also been building my husbands knowledge base for things involved with raising a deaf child and where there was still a cultural disconnect between hearing and deaf worlds. We were both given the same directions by God and were afraid to tell the other. I'm not even sure exactly how we were even drawn into the conversation that led us to this understanding, but we couldn't deny that it was God's will once the cat was out of the bag for both of us. (Neither of us wanted to break the news to the other that God had called us to bring a 4th child into our midst. Lol)
We've journeyed on since that day and have been met with amazing love and support. This has tested our faith on so many levels, and the growth in our household has been phenomenal. The unfolding of circumstances along this journey allows no room for credit to be placed anywhere, but in the hands of God. It takes a huge amount of faith to hear God say the many things he has said to us since we started. We've been called to change the legacy of our family, breaking generational curses spiritually, financially, and emotionally. But God has told us that we are to also change the legacy of the child/ren that he places in our care.
We are to fulfill that vision through homeschooling, adoption, and a debt-free game plan. All which require money, which we don't have tons of.
Yet, we have been plugging away at the debt, taking each step he calls us to towards adoption, and successfully homeschooling 3 children (don't ask for a measurement of that success just yet...lol). He has truly provided. He closed the door on us continuing to live in our small apartment and moved us into the perfect home for our expanding family. I have never loved any of my homes as much as this one and it was an answer to a prayer when I was unsure of what to do.
I can't NOT trust God when he says he has this adoption under control, because he has not failed me, even when I know I failed him. I have no clue how he is going to make this happen, what it will look like, what kind of time frame we are working with, none of those things. But, he has yet to go back on a promise he has made to me, so I know we will see this one through to fruition.
~Queen Bee